On February 8th, 2015, I was baptized as a believer in Christ. I was born and raised in a Christian, bible teaching home. My parents are two of the strongest believers I know. When I was 4 years old I shared a room with my older brother Justin.
One night, he starts talking to me about Hell, and what a scary place it was. I ran out to the living room where my parents were. I was crying, and I was scared. That night I prayed what you would call the inners prayer. In all reality, it was just because I didn’t want to go to Hell.
I went on to do good things because my parents, my pastor, and my church all told me to. I did it all because I was told good kids do those things.
The attitude of doing things because others told me to started to wear me down, especially in high school. I no longer had only godly voices in my ear telling me what to do; I had worldly ones as well. In high school, I really started to live a life of selfishness and anger.
My anger started on the day before Thanksgiving in 2009, my freshman year. That day, my family got a call that my grandpa had passed away suddenly in a car accident. I hadn’t seen my grandpa in about two years, and the fact that he died the day before we were supposed to give thanks made me very angry, especially at God. It wasn’t fair.
That’s when my downhill trek really started. I started living for myself then more than ever. In my junior year, I started dating a girl. It wasn’t going too well, and in December, we broke up. I woke up the next morning to find that the mom of some very good friends mine had passed away.
She brought joy and love to everyone she met, and always showed Christ to others. When her funeral was held, it was in a college gymnasium. The place was PACKED. I got angry at God for taking her away, and then I turned it inward. I saw the impact that she had on people, and how many people were at her funeral. I knew that if I died right there, not a lot of people would come, and it certainly wouldn’t be held in a gym.
That’s when I started dealing with depression.
I dealt with depression until mid-February of my junior year. Between the anger at God, the depression, and a lot of sin that had caught up with me, I decided that I had enough of this world. I decided to end my life.
I was in my room, the door was shut, and I was going to go end my life. When I got to the door, I couldn’t physically open it. It wasn’t jammed, or locked, or anything like that. I took that as God’s way of saying “I’m not done with you yet.” In that moment, every sermon I’d heard, every verse I’d memorized, and every Christian song I sang all came flooding back into me, overwhelming me.
That night, for the first time, I realized that I was truly a sinner in need of God’s grace, and without Him, I am NOTHING. That night, I fell to my knees, and just confessed my sin to God and begged Him to forgive me. I felt a peace come over me, and that was the night I truly accepted Christ as my savior.
Since that time, my spiritual life has had ups and downs. Yet, through Christ, I can overcome sin, and leave my old ways behind. John 14:6 shows us that Jesus says “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father except through me.” This is proof that we need Christ.
A few verses that have helped me in my spiritual life have been: Romans 8:1- “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus, for those who are the called according to the scriptures.”, and John 16:33- “I have said these things to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
We, as Christians, will fall. We will fail. But Christ has overcome the world, and the tomb! Christ is not dead. He is righteous and victorious, and calls us to be the same. Trust in Christ, and find peace in the Savior.